Monday, September 15, 2008

Struggles, bugs, and sunsets

This is a part of the painting I'm working on. The fabric sucked up the colors. It accepted them, embraced them, allowed them to alter how it looks. The fabric didn't say, "That's not good enough."

I struggle so much with how I feel about my art. I begin with an idea. I draw it. I like it. I continue. I paint it. I fall in love with parts or pieces or even with the whole. Then time passes ~ maybe even just a minute ~ somewhere my "feelings/thoughts/beliefs" change. I see it as not good enough, childish, not as good as what I've seen other people create. I don't understand this process. I don't understand where it came from. How was this poison created in me? Why was it? What can I do to rid myself of it?

Ugh. It's very painful. I dislike it.

I wonder if other artists deal with this. Many times I see ones on TV who just love their own 'stuff.' I think that's great. I just wonder how they do it and if I can.

For now, I leave it. It's here. I accept it. One day I will discover its gifts. I move on.

~deep cleansing breath~ Next.....

My backyard. Every time I see this, I can't believe this is my view. We bought a house a year ago after living in apartments for years. It's mostly surrounded by woods. We have lots of animals that visit us. In the last year we've seen ~ many, many different kinds of birds, chipmunks, hawks, groundhogs, opossums, salamanders, praying mantises, skunks, snakes, frogs, one turtle (so far), bugs and bugs and bugs, squirrels, bats, deer, rabbits, mice (they live in the walls of the house cause if they came out our four cats would kill 'em) and one unidentified small furry, large eyed, nocturnal animal that came up on our steps one night. We've heard owls, but haven't seen any yet.

Last evening we had the A/C on so everything was closed up. We heard a loud bug sound. My husband, Stu, decided it must be in between the front door and the screen door. Sure enough, when we opened the door there was a bug there. Unfortunately it was BIG and flew in the house right at us. The cats were trying to get it. Then they scattered because we started screaming and running while flailing our arms because the darn thing was coming after us. It didn't seem accidental either. He was chasing us around the house. He landed on the floor. Miss Binx Bianca Bedazzle jumped right into action to which we all yelled, "NO." We're bug savers. Instead of getting to kill and eat the bugs our cats get treats. They do their job very well, so we keep the companies who make cat treats in business.

Anyways, Stu used his trusty plastic container with its sidekick bigger plastic lid to catch the guy and put him outside. He walked away from the patio and dropped him on the sidewalk. The bug crawled around a little. But wasn't flying like inside. I said, "Is he hurt?" Stu leaned over and said, "No, I think he's alright." Next thing I know the bug is flying again, first right at Stu, then making a b-line for me. So, we started screaming again. The next door neighbor's dogs started barking. They were probably wondering what was going on.

Wife neighbor "What are they doing now?"

Husband neighbor "I don't know (rolling his eyes). I think they're running from a bug. Ha, ha."

One more picture.....last night's show.

~Mesmerizing Sunsets~